Like really, deeply abhor.
This dude/chick.
Smug little bastard.
Whoever came up with the whole Elf thing needs to be shot.
My kids have been coming home from school every day talking about how ALL THEIR FRIENDS have an Elf on the Shelf. Apparently a girl in Cassidy's class didn't have one but then last night she wished for one and this morning HE WAS THERE! Just like that! Magic!
And also? How cool is it that her friend Lila (name changed cause I'm classy like that) woke up the other morning and her Elf was FISHING IN THE TOILET! Isn't it awesome? Isn't it the coolest thing ever? Why don't we have an Elf?
We really need an Elf, MOM.
No, child. No we don't. I haven't showered since Tuesday, and I'm pretty sure there's mold growing on the laundry that's been in the washing machine for two days, and I don't even want to talk about the state of the kids' bathroom toilet (WHY do boys pee on EVERYTHING??)....so the last thing I need is a freaking ELF I'm supposed to be manipulating in the wee hours of the morning while my children are all sleeping in bed.
Yeah. No. FUCK NO. Fuck no with a cherry on top.
It doesn't matter what I think, though, because that damned Elf is everywhere. He's in Target, he's on TV, he's at friends' houses staring from the corner with his creepy eyes while he sits there on his skinny ass.
Did you know you can buy accessories for the Elf?
For the mere price of $6.95 you can get a cute little skirt to make your formerly androgynous elf into a girl. So not only am I supposed to spend money on something that's going to sit around watching me, but I'm also supposed to execute fun scenarios of elf mischief while my children are sleeping and I'm at the tail end of being awake for 17 hours straight.
I find the idea of telling my children that an inanimate object is filled with magic, and that it's watching their every move, and that it'll report to Santa to be somewhat appalling. And that if they're 'naughty' then they won't get any toys. No. Just no.
I don't even utilize that concept in my regular daily parenting life, I'm certainly not going to bring it about once a year for a month. My kids are expected to be quality human beings because that's how we roll. I'm not giving them the idea that receiving gifts (that we buy them out of love) is contingent upon behaving properly in front of the Elf.
I'd prefer them to know how to handle themselves when no one is watching.
Elf on the Shelf needs to go blow. I hate that damned doll.
17 comments:
I am crying I am laughing so hard.
And your post title is perfect, don't doubt yourself.
I am glad Avery still doesn't really get Christmas yet at 19 months. She says "WOW!" at the lights and that is enough for me. I am hoping to dodge that elf bullet for as long as possible.
My dogs are lucky to get fed every day, the last thing I need is a damn elf.
I am there with you on the elf. More commercialism. My daughter gets plenty of magic this season and doesn't need the elf. I actually told her that he isn't real but not to spoil it for kids who believe.
We got the elf as a present and I don't say anything about "be good for toys or Mr. Christmas will tell on you" but I do move it every night.
Except when I forget and I feel like a ginormous parent fail.
L LOVES him and talks to him and it's super cute, so there's that.
I'd never have bought it myself and we shall see if he reappears next year.
we got sucked in a year or two ago. Ulysses stayed in the same damn spot the whole time. never did any mischief. i was so not interested that this year we literally cant find the little bugger.
I'm so glad that's not a "thing" here, but knowing my luck it will be once Quinn is in school. Damn Pinterest.
Thank you!!!!! People have been suggesting I get an Elf on the Shelf to help Nathan with his recent behavior issues (related to dafddy being gone, weekend at grandma's, just a basic change in routine) but I don't want an elf reporting to Santa be the reason he starts behaving. I want it to be because it's the right thing to do. I know it's just suppose to be fun and we do do the Santa thing but I have a hard time when Nathan asks about Santa because I feel like I'm lying to him. Everytime we talk about God lately he takes the topic to Santa. And I know he's little and the idea of Santa is more tangible for a young child than God... but still...yeah, not gonna get an Elf.
YES!!!
this is one of my favorite posts ever!
I'm going to buy the kids each their own Elf on the Shelf for Christmas.
BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
This is hysterical!!
Here's the really funny part. One of my coworkers bought an Elf and is doing it at work, lol.
Yes. Screw that elf right in his b-hole. Besides not having time to bother with setting up a new, mischievous pose each night, I am dead serious that I think that little bastard will come to life and murder me in my sleep.
I'm so glad my kids don't care about it. Or aren't aware of it maybe?
This makes me feel so much better for not having it. And I'm sick of the Instagram pictures of everyone's elves. Yea, bahumbug, I suck. But oh well.
I love your sister's comment.
You know how I feel about that jackass. Today Isabella noticed his tag - and how it had a website on it - then asked me if he was fake. I said YES, he's fake. But then she walked away. She totally knows. And she's making me keep up the facade. FML.
Not sure if y'all are FB friends, but here is Michelle's PERFECT solution to your problem (I cut and pasted her status):
"New use for the Elf on the Shelf: don't buy it but threaten your kid that, if she doesn't behave, one of Santa's Creepy Spy Elves will be sent to watch over her aaaaall the time, every day until Christmas. Works like a charm, doesn't cost a penny, and is minus the effort of having to move the darn thing each night. (Side effect: if my daughter comes to your house and you have an Elf on your Shelf, she'll think you've been REALLY bad!)"
YOU'RE WELCOME.
amen.
lol how creepy i had no idea that was the intent of the "elf" to be santas "eyes" we dont even do Santa so there is no way Iam doing the Elf
And this is why I love you so much. A to the MEN.
OMG I didn't want to tell you but we totally got the elf and wait for it, she named it "Nuffin Three dollars" I shit you not. So now we have a creepy elf with a stupid name. Hmmph
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