My kids are getting old. Which, by default, means I'm also getting old.
I guess old is relative. I wake up creaky these days. One would think that sleeping all night would mean waking up refreshed and feeling capable. Not so much. I wake up with a sore back and bleary eyes and a foggy brain.
It's not cool.
I'm not sure how I should blog right now. It's been 2-ish years since I've written here, and since then my older two kids have found their way to social media (hello snapchat and instagram), and I don't want to infringe on their privacy. But at the same time, I've missed writing. I've missed dumping my ridiculous brain. I've missed letting go of random thoughts that fill up my headspace at 3 in the morning, keeping me awake.
I've removed all the old posts. I had over a thousand on this blog, this site that I've played with since 2006. Some of those posts were about my big kids, when they were little, and I just feel like they have a right to their own stories. Maybe I'll be using aliases for them-I'm honestly not sure.
A lot has happened since I last wrote. It's nothing super interesting. Mostly the mundane plodding of daily life that's created a new big picture for our family. The kids are growing, I'm still 30 pounds heavier than I'd like, and the husband is still much better looking than I am. He's also nicer than I am, which is why my kids are such nice people.
I'm not being self deprecating or looking for any sort of affirmation. At 37 years of age, I'm pretty comfortable in my own skin and kind of don't give a remote shit what people think about me. I know I tend toward assholery, and I'm okay with it. He and I balance each other, which is how it's supposed to be. I think. He's nice, I'm less so. I'm organized, and he couldn't find his face if it wasn't attached to his head. Balance in all things.
I have no idea where this post is going. I'm pretty sure nothing I've ever written has ever gone any where. I think the last time I posted I was still trying to figure out my direction in life. Now I know the only direction I have is to move forward every day, somehow, and the rest will fall into place.