Monday, April 4, 2016

my kids are making my brain hurt

I had Liv's transition meeting, and the end result was for full inclusion with pull out. She's going to have a lot of help in the classroom, and will spend a little time in the smaller special ed classroom for extra help with Language Arts and Math.

I'm having second thoughts about the whole thing. Panic-inducing, can't sleep second thoughts. She's SO WOBBLY. She walks really well compared to her previous issues, but she's not remotely stable. She gets knocked over so easily, and doesn't use words fast enough to verbally create space for herself.  I'm going to talk to her teacher about it, because I know she shares those same concerns. Liv loves school. Loves it. And I'm afraid that feeling frustrated all day long because she's being jostled around like a pinball will ruin that love.

I hate this part of parenting. Making decisions and having absolutely no idea what's best. Truly not knowing the outcome. Being terrified that the decision will have negative impact but also knowing that it could have incredibly positive impact. Which one will it be? No idea. Never any idea. It's like I'm walking blind into a tornado, hands out, hoping nothing will knock me down.

***

Oldest kid is 12.5, and every inch of those 12 years is showing in our lives.

Can she go to the mall with friends? Please? Pretty please?

No. You can't. Because a flock of twittering 6th graders walking around the mall taking selfies, paying absolutely no attention to surroundings, is a recipe for disaster. It's like asking sex traffickers to take notice.

I'm not paranoid about much, but my kids being molested or abused in that way is one thing I'm unbelievably protective against. A preteen female doesn't understand that when her and her friends are standing around being silly kids, they're like beacons to all the weird people hanging around. There's no way my kid gets to be in that situation.

She went to the movies Friday night with a group of friends, and I waited until they were finished. I had no desire to see the sad PG movie that they went to, and the absolute last thing I felt like doing with sitting around with a group of kids that age. So I sat in the lobby and read a book and had mini vacation. After the movie the girls stood in the lobby of the theater, snapchatting their night. As in, they took 185 pictures of the same exact thing in slightly different configurations. Twenty minutes I stood there, waiting, while the girls selfied themselves out.

None of those girls had any idea that every single person that walked in or out of the theater stared at them. Not one paid a single iota of attention to their surroundings. Oblivion, thy name is preteen.

My answer of no in regards to the mall has set off a flurry of slitty-eyes and under-the-breath mumbling that has lasted a solid day. My formerly clear-thinking child has turned into someone whose friends take precedence over all else. I get it, and I respect it, because it's a part of being a kid that age.

I'm just not going to change my personal life policies regarding safety of self and sanity to cater to the whims of someone who lives in utter oblivion of life outside her circle of friends.

It makes my brain hurt. All of it.


4 comments:

ilikebeerandbabies.com said...

great post of preteens! I am terrified of them!!!

Charbelle4 said...

So damn scary to understand what she can't and quite honestly what we never had to really be aware of when we were 12 1/2.

Deniz Cruz said...

Wow! you and I both are great thinkers about these situations

Deniz Cruz said...

Wow! you and I both are great thinkers about these situations